Fear of the Pregnant Crohn's Belly

Last night was such a difficult night for me. My Crohn's decided to come out and play. So not only did I wake up to excruciating cramping,  I had to run to the bathroom in between. It probably lasted all of 45 minutes. The next morning I had to wake up and go to work. Of  course I was late.

But it got me thinking, how will I deal with this if I had a baby in tow? Not only would I have had to get my life together and get myself ready, I would have to get another person fabulous for the day. LOL. That is a lot! Even sitting here typing this, I am still semi-exhausted from not sleeping well on top of the normal fatigue from the Crohn's.  As I continue to type. There is no dinner prepared - I ate leftover kale. I'm tired. No laundry being done. I'm tired. No dishes being done. I'm tired. I have a cookout scheduled for this weekend - there is cleaning that needs to be done. And again.... I'M TIRED. LOL

Also at the back of my mind is the thought that I could actually pass this same existence along to my baby.  I probably inherited mine from my Dad, who also had Crohn's. I by no means have severe Crohn's- I have had two surgeries. But I am not cramped up every day, I can hold down a job, and travel with minimal issue. But I don't want to pass it on at all. I would feel guilty. I have resolved to breastfeed as long as I can when the time comes so I can lessen the chances of passing on a stupid belly. LOL.

Let's say I do pass on the Crohn's. After the guilt, I think my other fear is not being half the Mom my Mother was to me. Physically, I am not sure I have it in me. During my multiple surgeries, my mom particularly had it the worst - taking care of a sick child while working a full-time job and managing a full-time household: cooking, cleaning, laundry, running to the hospital.

But at the end of the day, if we decide to have a baby, all I can do is prepare, pray, love. :)